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Week 8 of the football season proved one thing: It's far too early. If you' re a Rams fan, it's far too early to start searching for tickets for the Super Bowl. (Don't forget about the '86 Jets, who were 10-1, but couldn't even fit into Joe Namath's pantyhose, let alone his shoes.) If you're a Chargers fan, it's far too early to believe that Mike Riley is a genius and the defense is so dominant, you can score zero points and still force overtime. Not unless you're playing the Bengals. If you're a Browns fan, it' s far too early to count on the first pick in next year's draft. The Saints, Bengals, Jets, Broncos, Eagles and Falcons could still shatter your dreams. Especially if Tim Couch keeps tossing Hail Marys.

TITANIC CLASH: The Titans defeated the Rams 24-21, proving that they're for real and could give the Jaguars a little competition in the otherwise mediocre AFC Central, where several teams are still trying to determine if they have a quarterback on their rosters. Note to Bengals coach Bruce Coslet: The guy who threw an apple core at you after Sunday's loss has a pretty good arm. The Rams, despite losing their first game, showed lots of guts, mounting an impressive comeback that fell short in the final seconds, when someone in Nashville moved the goal posts.

HAIL MARY, YE SAINTS: A Hail Mary pass tormented Saints coach Mike Ditka for the second consecutive game, making him wonder if he's coaching the Saints or the Sinners. With only two seconds left in the game, the Saints allowed Browns quarterback Tim Couch to complete a 56-yard touchdown pass to Kevin Johnson, stealing a victory for the previously winless expansion franchise. "Another Hail Mary," Saint Ditka screamed later. "Holy $&#%!" The Browns, with a one-game winning streak, can now boast that they're the best team in Ohio. It's no wonder that Browns fans, in a tribute to Couch after the first win, have pledged to spend every Sunday, for the rest of their lives, on the couch.

HOLMGREN FIELD?: Mike Holmgren continued to feel at home at Lambeau Field, leading his Seattle Seahawks to a 27-7 thumping of his former team, the Green Bay Packers, on Monday Night Football. The game was a coming-out party for Seattle cornerback Shawn Springs, who did his best Deion Sanders impression, intercepting two passes and high-stepping to the end zone after a blocked kick. But if he wants to be in Deion's league, Springs will have to spend more time in practice learning how to do a prayer dance.

FREE TVS: BrandsMart, a Kansas City electronics store, had promised to refund money on all sales exceeding $399 last week if the Chiefs shut out the Chargers. The store, which apparently believed that Dan Fouts was still playing, lost $450,000 on the promotion and is now called BrokeMart. The NFL, meanwhile, is investigating a rumor that the entire Chargers offense returned to San Diego with new laptops. "That's like Pete Rose betting on the game," said NFL commissioner Paul Tagliabue. Responded Chargers quarterback Erik Kramer: "Yes, but none of us plans to be in the Hall of Fame!"

ON THE SAME LEAF: The Chargers suspended quarterback Ryan Leaf for four games, after he apparently swore at general manager Bobby Beathard. What is the NFL coming to? First, Brett Favre cries. Now, no swearing. Next thing you know, players will be eating quiche.

WHO NEEDS THE STARS?: The Lions are winning without Barry Sanders. The Seahawks are winning without Joey Galloway. The offenses aren't as exciting without Sanders and Galloway, but it beats being eliminated from the playoffs in Week 5. Besides, guys like Greg Hill and Derrick Mayes don't expect to be paid like ex-wives of Donald Trump.

REDSKIN SCORING MACHINE: The Redskins need to play the Cowboys more often. After each loss to the Cowboys, the Skins have crushed their next opponents, scoring 50 against the Giants and 48 against the Bears. Perhaps they can organize a weekly scrimmage against the Cowboys. The Skins even got points from defensive tackle Dan Wilkinson, a man who has broken several scales in his lifetime, just by looking at them. Intercepting a pass in the first quarter, Wilkinson lumbered 88 yards and managed to reach the end zone in the third quarter. Redskins cornerback Darrell Green escorted Wilkinson to the end zone, urging him to run faster. Said Green: "I didn't want the game to end."

SWEETNESS DEPARTS: Walter Payton, who still holds the NFL's career rushing record, died Monday at the age of 45. Few players in the history of the NFL were ever as talented and classy as Payton. His life ended early, but in many ways, the great Chicago Bear tailback will live forever, making amazing runs not only in our memories, but also in the nightmares of a few ex-Packers and ex-Vikings. Rest assured, if Payton plays football again, it will be for God's team. The real saints.

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Melvin Durai is a Shippensburg, Pa.-based writer and humorist. A longtime fan of the NFL, he believes that man’s greatest invention, other than the remote control, is the satellite dish.

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