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After Week 5, one thing's clear: no one can accuse the NFL of being boring. OK, the Monday night game was a dud, but that's only because Rick Mirer mistook some of his wide receivers for Manute Bol. They had to jump so high, trying to reach his throws, their ear drums were popping. Note to Bill Parcells: Please sign Jeff Hostetler, Joe Namath or Johnny Unitas. Even Joey Galloway is available. He’s playing quarterback in a flag football league and has completed more passes than Mirer.

NEW YORK, NEW YORK: Aside from Monday night's snooze, the week produced a ton of excitement. Four winless teams won and two undefeated teams lost. Millions of New Yorkers, taking a break from baseball, were overwhelmed with joy, as the Giants offense managed to score a field goal. The streets were soon packed with people shouting, jumping and exchanging high-fives. Some hailed the Giants' kicker with banners that read "Brad Daluiso for president!" and "Daluiso is the bomb!" A few cars were overturned and set on fire, but police later reported that those belonged to mayor Rudy Giuliani.

SUBWAY RIVALRY: It was some week for New Yorkers, with the Mets and Yankees outscoring the Jets and Giants. While the Mets and Yankees may soon play each other to decide baseball's championship, the Jets and Giants will play each other in Week 12 to decide who will get a chance next year to draft a shoplifter. Yes, Florida State's wide deceiver Peter Warrick may end up in New York. Note to Marv Albert: Better get a lock for the panty drawer.

RAIDER BUSTERS: The Broncos beat the Raiders in Oakland, continuing Mike Shanahan's dominance over his former boss, Al Davis, who fired him in 1989. Hey Al, if you still owe Mike some money, you'd better pay it. The guy has no mercy. If you want to win a championship while he's around, you may have to move the Raiders to the CFL. Come to think of it, Ottawa Raiders has a nice ring to it.

NOT LAMBS ANYMORE: After five weeks, only one team, the surprising St. Louis Rams, remains undefeated. And they haven't even come close to losing. They opened the season with an 18-point win and hammered their next three opponents by 28, 28 and 22. Their next victims, already quivering, are the Atlanta Falcons. The defending NFC champions, who entertained us with the "Dirty Bird" dance last season, may soon be doing the "Tweety Bird" dance.

JUST GIVE HIM THE DAMN BALL: Rams wide receivers Isaac Bruce and Az-zahir Hakim have taken turns scoring four touchdowns each in the last two games, making third receiver Torry Holt look like a complete slacker. Poor Torry has scored only two TDs. Come on, Kurt Warner, throw a few more balls to the rookie. Let's see if he can score four TDs against the Falcons. You can’t let the veterans have all the fun.

BATTLE OF OHIO: The Cleveland Browns are the only winless team in the league and probably wishing they had grabbed Warner in the expansion draft. The Browns lost to the previously winless Cincinnati Bengals in a game that solidified their hold of last place in the AFC Central. Quarterback Akili Smith, passed over by the Browns in the regular draft, threw the winning touchdown, then pounded his chest at the Browns bench as if to say, "Me Tarzan, you Lame." After such an impressive display of football skills, the state of Ohio must indeed be proud.

CITY OF BROTHERLY SHOVE: Fans of the Philadelphia Eagles proved that there's no standard of indecency that's too low for them. Many cheered as Cowboys receiver Michael Irvin lay injured on the turf, after suffering trauma to his head and neck. Eagles receiver Charles Johnson later said he was disappointed with the fans, but noted that "not all our fans" were cheering. That's indeed a point worth emphasizing: NOT ALL EAGLES FANS ARE CALLOUS IDIOTS.

MIAMI MIRACLE: The most exciting game was in Indianapolis, where Dan Marino led the Dolphins to a last-minute comeback win over the Colts. The Dolphins were helped on their last drive by a questionable instant replay decision, which reversed a fumble by Marino. The Hall of Fame-bound quarterback passed for almost 400 yards, bouncing back from his recent imitation of Rick Mirer. And wide receiver Tony Martin, acquitted of money laundering in the off season, still managed to take several Colts to the cleaners.

DEFENSIVE TERRORS: Warren Sapp and Junior Seau are front-runners for the Defensive Player of the Year award, with Sapp getting the edge for a more intimidating hairdo. Seau and the rest of the Chargers defenders have propelled their team to the top of the AFC West, but to win the division, Seau will have to play more offense. The Bucs could also use Sapp’s talents on offense, especially at W-I-D-E receiver. With a big target like that, Trent Dilfer may actually complete a few passes.

MONDAY NIGHT MADNESS: Am I the only one who misses Dan Dierdorf? Without him, the Monday night broadcast has turned into the "How did Boomer play against these two teams?" show. This past Monday night, we were even treated to highlights of Boomer's last game against the Jaguars, complete with his stats. Give it a rest, guys. We know Boomer was a good quarterback, but he's still going to need tickets to get into the Hall of Fame.